mardi 3 avril 2012

Why Nice Guys rarely turn to Prince Charming

It's been a while now that i noticed that this world is crazy! And i didn't really know the extend of it until my 20's. Human relation are not always as black and white as we have been led to believe. I have been introduced to this concept of a virile man (bad guy) and an emasculated man (nice guy) through a book written by a christian: "Wild at Heart: rediscovering the masculine soul" in 2003.

I thought at first that the book was a demonic conspiracy that infiltrated the church after reading the first 4 chapters. But i persevered in the reading and found out that the Psychologist Christian knew things that i didn't know was even in the radar bleep of man and female relationship in the church let alone in the world.

I admit it is controversial what i'm about to share with you but it has a ring of truth and reality in it. I am not an expert with women and i don't believe any one is. The so called expert are men who have had less failure experiences with women than others. Check this article excerpt (or the whole article at the link below):

"Everyone probably knows a Mr. Nice Guy ... He's the guy who patiently listens to a girl complain without interrupting her. Because of his sweet nature, he puts the girl's demands first, altering his weekend plans to fit her schedule. He may be uneasy about making a decision for fear of being domineering. But after all his diligent efforts to be a gentleman, she turns him down, and he is left to wonder: Do nice guys finish last?"

Good question, can you guess the answer boys? yes, you got it right! The new Woman, 21st century woman, like to have nice guys company but do not date them. You think i lie? Good Mr. Nice guy, why don't you try it and tell me the outcome.

"Now, some single guys are taking steps to avoid being lumped into the nice guy category. Malov's agency, which coaches single men from all over the U.S. and as far away as Japan and Norway, instructs clients to steer away from the polished, predictable image. The dating coach tells men to stop being so available and
flexible. He advises the men to leave a little mystery because women, despite what they say, do desire the chase

One of the question i have been asking, was why? It never really made sense to me that some woman (if not most) are attracted to 'Bad' guys. Too bad my christian leaders never told me that, even less explain to me this counter-intuitive behavior. In Hollywood romance or church testimonies they always seem to skip those important details and some people end-up finding it the hard way.

What i like the most in the article I'm passing you below is the warning given to woman:

"Despite this attitude, some dating coaches say that women should keep an open mind. The negative stereotypes of a nice guy aren't always true; the men aren't always timid or easy pushovers. While the nice guys may not be as forward or loud, their selfless personality can be valuable to a lasting relationship, they

Check this article for more on that.

Have a nice day.

Check My Book here.

4 commentaires:

  1. Ah, one of my favourite subjects.

    Not surprised that a courageous man like you will have the audacity to tackle it, especially given the fact that, if its already complicated enough for the non-believers and non-Christians out there, it must be ten times worse when the principles have to be applied to devoted Christians. Note that am only speculating on the last statement.

    Well, there is a truth out there: women are more interested in a guy who is a little bit detached to his emotions. "Mr. Nice Guys" do finish last, unless they are fortunate enough to come across a woman who has exceptional tastes. I say exceptional, and I stand by it.

    Mr. Not so nice guy? Without being a total jerk (excuse the French), he first doesn't interrupt the course of his life to accommodate the life of the female that entered his life. On the other side, knowing that she is not the centre of his universe, she also learns to treasure the relationship they both develop.

    I am a firm believer that most relationship fail because of the tremendous pressure that is put at the very begining. At fault of sounding judgemental or stereotypical, women tend to be applying the majority of that pressure.
    Which kinda forces men out there to act like "not so nice Mr. Nice Guys". We find that the relationship has a little more time to mature.

    Well, that is my 5cents.

    Note that the view displayed on this post only represent my brain's activity, and not of any institution I proudly take part of.

    Kanam Junior

  2. I must admit, sometimes christian teachers, leaders and councelors tend to focus only on the theological and biblical aspect of relationships/marriage and neglect some practical issues like this one. I personnally have found myself all alone trying to find answers to issues that most christians do not want to discuss in the open but that constitute challenges out there. And this is obviously one of them.

    My question is, how do we find a "fair compromise" or an "acceptable truth" between what is said out there (in the non-Christian environment) and what we learn from "our church leaders or elders"?

  3. Hahahaha .. i like your 5 cents on this. You've got it nailed. I do share of your views on how relationships get stretched from the beginning especially because both party have different expectations. And yes, ladies do have quite demanding and high expectations from their men. Not that it is not legitimate, but at time their are too premature. As Dr. Ravi Zacharias once noted: "Don't give too much too soon"! I can twist that and say, "Don't demand too much too soon". :)

    I recommend reading more about this from both sources and i am sure if you have a good biblical basis you'll know how to apply your knowledge on this issue without betraying your faith. Here is a Christian blog that can teach you a thing or two on this issue often referred as 'Game':

  4. Thanks Eric! Always so resourceful!