Is Insemination The Answer For A Single Woman?

Not long ago in a yahoo forum (J.C) where i am a member and a moderator -- i read a question that seemed to fall under an ethic section. Many members of the group tried to give their views. So I decided to also give mine - although it seemed a little different from theirs - this is a euphemism to mean - not at all like their. I hope my post below won't offend you but seriously make you consider the real-life implication.

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Hello L.,

With reference to your first question ...

1) "Quest ce que vous pensez d'une jeune fille qui a la trentaine et approche la quarantaine et n''a pas encore trouve de mari; elle decide d''avoir une enfant par insemination ;is it wrong?"

Let's first distinguish the insemination by itself as a method of fertilization of a woman uterus and the reason (motif) people look for an insemination .

I find no reason whatsoever to imagine or even think that insemination is a wrong practice or even a sinful act. It has been applied for both married couples and single woman. Matter of fact, the first reported case of artificial insemination by donor occurred in 1884 to a married couple. A Philadelphia professor of
medicine took sperm from his "best looking" student to inseminate an anesthetized woman. The woman was not informed about the procedure, unlike her infertile husband. The case was reported 25 years later in a medical journal. (Wikipedia on the History of insemination).

Now, what about the motif? The example given in the question raise the question of a woman who is still a single woman and feel lonely, and decides to have an insemination so that she can combat that loneliness by the presence of the new child in her life. Here is the rub. Single woman have really had a tough time even through adoption to get a child. Actually, some adoption agencies do insist that a child adoption should only be done by a married couple for the sake of the child psychological balance. This is why even the adoption of a child by an homosexual/lesbian couple have been difficult and combated by child care agencies. So I wouldn't recommend adoption of a child neither to a single woman, even less an artificial insemination. They  are reasons why a child should have a family of at least two for an ideal growth. For it is inappropriate for the child mental health and psychological growth to grow single parented. You see L., my argument rejecting the search for a child by a single woman who just happen to feel bored is not religiously based. It can purely be defended on sociological ground.

As for the fact that she is still single at 40. Well, i'll tell her first that the success of insemination will be as difficult for her at that age as it would be for a normal pregnancy at that same age due to her menopause. Remember that funny biological clock we have been debating with ladies here on J.C early 2010?

Second, I would recommend her to stop listening to most church folks advise on how to get a boyfriend/companion. Jesus will most likely not give her that boyfriend/companion as most Christians keep saying and thinking. She will have to revisit instead her methods and approach with people of the other sex. T. gave us the story of a lady who married this year at 35. Interesting in that account is that the woman did not wait in prayer only for the guy. She emailed him for a coffee. And guess what? He SmSed her later for a meal. The rest as we say is history. The usefulness of prayers came later for the big decision. I'll keep saying that to Christian over and over. There is no special one decided from heaven (save some exceptions) just for you. You make someone your special someone. You are the one who choose. Read the bible please!!!!

2) "I understand what you are saying, but it is so unfair to see a young lady living alone. It is not her fault if she does not find a boyfriend, someone who please her...after all, el n''a pas eu des rapports sexuels. et si elle adoptait, is that wrong aux yeux de Dieu? elle a besoin de compagnie, et cet enfant manquera l''affection dun pere, certes; mais il recevra l'amour d'une mere."

I can imagine you got dissatisfied by most of the reactions. You are right. So was i! Yeah, it is not always her fault. It could also be the fault of the people she has been listening to. Clueless advise most of the time masqueraded as biblical teachings or divine counsels hurts a lot of single folks. What she should do is to stop listening to some clueless religious folks in matters of dating, and start looking at life as it really is. Soon enough by God's grace she'll know what to do and how to do it rightly. For the rest, if she needs a life-long friend, the biblical solution for that is called marriage. Not children. Children come and go. A husband stays to death - ideally.

Hope this has helped. In brief, her solution against loneliness is not artificial insemination. Her solution is to fire her former dating counselors and her modern biblical clueless marriage -mate-matching advisers.

If she does that she will save her soul from a lot of torment!

May the Lord Jesus help her get rid of those 'religious advisers' with whips!

Yours in the Masters' service,
Check My Book here or more here.

Why Nice Guys rarely turn to Prince Charming

It's been a while now that i noticed that this world is crazy! And i didn't really know the extend of it until my 20's. Human relation are not always as black and white as we have been led to believe. I have been introduced to this concept of a virile man (bad guy) and an emasculated man (nice guy) through a book written by a christian: "Wild at Heart: rediscovering the masculine soul" in 2003.

I thought at first that the book was a demonic conspiracy that infiltrated the church after reading the first 4 chapters. But i persevered in the reading and found out that the Psychologist Christian knew things that i didn't know was even in the radar bleep of man and female relationship in the church let alone in the world.

I admit it is controversial what i'm about to share with you but it has a ring of truth and reality in it. I am not an expert with women and i don't believe any one is. The so called expert are men who have had less failure experiences with women than others. Check this article excerpt (or the whole article at the link below):

"Everyone probably knows a Mr. Nice Guy ... He's the guy who patiently listens to a girl complain without interrupting her. Because of his sweet nature, he puts the girl's demands first, altering his weekend plans to fit her schedule. He may be uneasy about making a decision for fear of being domineering. But after all his diligent efforts to be a gentleman, she turns him down, and he is left to wonder: Do nice guys finish last?"

Good question, can you guess the answer boys? yes, you got it right! The new Woman, 21st century woman, like to have nice guys company but do not date them. You think i lie? Good Mr. Nice guy, why don't you try it and tell me the outcome.

"Now, some single guys are taking steps to avoid being lumped into the nice guy category. Malov's agency, which coaches single men from all over the U.S. and as far away as Japan and Norway, instructs clients to steer away from the polished, predictable image. The dating coach tells men to stop being so available and
flexible. He advises the men to leave a little mystery because women, despite what they say, do desire the chase."

One of the question i have been asking, was why? It never really made sense to me that some woman (if not most) are attracted to 'Bad' guys. Too bad my christian leaders never told me that, even less explain to me this counter-intuitive behavior. In Hollywood romance or church testimonies they always seem to skip those important details and some people end-up finding it the hard way.

What i like the most in the article I'm passing you below is the warning given to woman:

"Despite this attitude, some dating coaches say that women should keep an open mind. The negative stereotypes of a nice guy aren't always true; the men aren't always timid or easy pushovers. While the nice guys may not be as forward or loud, their selfless personality can be valuable to a lasting relationship, they
say."

Check this article for more on that.

Have a nice day.

Check My Book here.

What's A Single Christian Woman To Do?

 Since my last post about woman from Vox Day, i have received mixed reaction from ladies just as i have reported it some time back. And i decided to post another one but this time it's done with a friendly tone. Maybe you'll like it maybe not. Anyway, information is always a key to progress, either it being pleasant or not.

Check My Book here.

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What's A Woman To Do?

Retha wonders how a Christian woman can appeal to men:

  I find the comments interesting. I am a Christian woman in my mid thirties. When I was young, I did not look out for a man - was too busy doing ministry work in my spare time to look for boyfriends. For that reason or some other reason, men did not approach me for dating/ courtship either. My attitude about marriage was "If we can serve God together, I may consider marrying some day. Otherwise - no way."

I now realize that I actually want to marry and have kids, but I don't even know how to meet men. I want to ask the Christian men here: What- except effort with my looks- can I do to be at all the kind of woman that a man who love God will want to marry? 

One thing that Christian women often fail to understand is that a single-minded devotion to Jesus will drive away most men almost as effectively as a feminist woman's narcissistic devotion to her education and career. This is true of Christian and non-Christian men alike. It's not that men don't respect your devotion, it's just that they tend to consider you off the market as a sort of Protestant equivalent of a nun. You're basically telling them that they will never be as important to you as they would be to pretty much any other woman, so it should come as little surprise that they tend to pursue those other women in preference to you.

After all, what sort of man wants to build a life with a woman who makes it unmistakably clear that his wife's priority will always be others, not her marriage? I suppose it's possible that you might theoretically meet a man who puts the same emphasis on ministry to others that you do, but if you consider how many men go seriously into ministry, it's pretty clear that the odds are stacked against you. It's about as realistic as the girl with the MBA who will only consider marrying a CEO. The fact is that there just aren't very many of them.

So, what can you do. First, you can't simply wave off the looks aspect. That's the single most important element of a woman's attractiveness to men, not so much where you rate on the 1-10 scale, but rather what sort of signals you are using your appearance to send. Most women make it very clear that they dress to
please other women, not men, so if you do the opposite you will definitely stand out. I'm not talking about "going to a nightclub on Miami Beach" clothing, as much as I personally like that style, but rather wearing your hair long and down, wearing clothes that flatter most of whatever assets you happen to have, ignoring whatever the latest styles are, and paying far more attention to what the men around you happen to think looks good on you than you do to what your female friends tell you. Unless you're trying to attract a woman, don't dress in order to please them and their neurotic insecurities.

On the behavioral side, try to be aware of the presence of men in your vicinity. Don't huddle with other women in public places like a herd of musk oxen trying to defend themselves; if you're with a group of women, sit a bit back from them and scan the crowd occasionally to see who is checking out your group. Don't look away from men who look at you. If a man is looking at you and you want to give him a shot, meet his eyes directly and smile. If he's interested, he'll approach you, if he's not, he'll smile politely, nod, and turn away. If he looks away quickly, he's probably a gamma and may or may not approach you; if he does
he'll do so in a shy, hesitant, and overly polite manner that will make you want to kick him. Regardless, you've given the "all clear" signal, that's all you really have to do. Be friendly and straightforward, and don't be afraid to talk about your faith. If nothing else, it will protect you from all the players.

As for meeting men, I strongly suggest taking up a hobby or two that is male dominated. You'll meet lots of men at martial arts studios, gaming stores, sports bars on game nights, car shows, and the free weight room. Set aside one evening a week to adventure into alien territory and you'll meet more new men in a month than you have in the last year. I've never quite understood how people try to meet the opposite sex in places that the opposite sex never goes. If you're hunting ducks, you don't go to the desert, after all.

Now, you are who you are. You're not going to change that now. But if you present yourself in an attractive and open manner, refuse to let yourself be a bitch or a wallflower, and content yourself with men who are in your physical and social league, you should be able to find what you are seeking. The Bible even says "seek and ye shall find", so the question you have to ask yourself is if you have really been seeking or not.

-Vox Day-